Journal 32 - My Holiday

Beah's experience and my holidays, especially the spring break, could be compared in a lot of ways. Baeh had just a holiday from his sick life as he was a child soldier. His life was pretty sick, killing innocent people and burning villages and when he was finally sent to Freetown, he got a potentially permanent holiday from his sick life. I also got a holiday during spring break from my sick life at school. My life at school is very sick because of some sick teachers at school that are just complaining and talking trash without concrete evidence. This is just like how the lieutenant said the rebels are responsible for everything. This teacher holds me responsible for everything. I know I am responsible for somethings but just holding me accountable for everything even while I am shutting up and doing homework is just a no. Beah heard a lot of new stories and witnessed the killing of thousands of people. I myself played in a MMORPG and killed thousands of NPCs to gain experience, getting up to level 37. Baeh became a child soldier while I became a monk so we were both subject to change. Baeh was seeking for the war to end while I was seeking for my monkhood to end so that I could begin to do my usual things again. The difference was that there were no drugs, there was no violence, his killings were in real life while mine was in a game. I obeyed my parents while Beah obeyed the lieutenant. This is my comparison.

Journal 31 - Accepting Death

This passage about Saidu from what I think, is the foreshadowing of Saidu's death. If one accepts death but is not given to him, it would really kill the person because if you don't get what you accept, you will want it; in Saidu's case it was death. Facing death in front of you is very scary. What I think is scarier is that facing or seeing other people die before you do and you are left with the sorrow and guilt of not being able to save that person. If threats to death are continuous, one would eventually thing that he or she is as good as being dead. Saidu fainted many times and he died on his last time. I think that it is different for an adult or for a child. This is because a child is like a blank slate. You could shape it anyway you want. A child can even be made to love death or at least killing. Adults already have something in their mind as well as their past experiences. This is why they will take the situation differently from children. I feel like children are more susceptible to death as they are more fragile both physically and mentally. A body can still be animate but have no life in it. Those are basically robots or killing machines that the army shapes and brainwashes the kids into. I once learned from watching The Matrix that the life and the mind are connected and that without the mind, life couldn't live. It was also in Elie Wiesel's night, how he was like a corpse, looking himself in the mirror and how lifeless he is from all the horrors he has seen. So yes, a body can still be animate but not have life in it. Maybe life just depends on your mind. If you are happy, then you live. If you are just sticking to a schedule or doing work that does not make you happy, then you are not living your life. This is because if you love what you do, then it is not work anymore.

Journal 30 - Hope and Destiny

Hope is a very playful thing. It doesn't come most of the time and it can be very faint. It is very playful, moving away from person to person and can stop staying at one. When hope goes somewhere, work and success follows. It's like in the story of Pandora's box where the delicate thing that people need is released into the world. Because there are disasters that are released, hope must follow it. Hope gives energy to people while he is there. He, Hope, if kind enough, will stay and let work follow. Hope are work can be simultaneous but there can be only work but no hope. If hope is there, one will surely work. With hope and work appearing simultaneously, success can have a higher chance of appearing. Hope can disappear if you don't work. Hope will disappear if it sees a monster called disasters. That monster is not permanent and one must be strong enough to pull hope with him even during times of disasters. If one puts in much effort and energy and is strong enough, hope will stay with him even when the monster, disasters, is there. As time passes, hope and work will fight the monster and success will be gained if you overcome it. I have lost hope many times and I have been very sad. I have had thoughts of suicide too but it isn't worth it. Knowing that there is always something better, it gives me hope which will give me his energy. This is why hope that is lost can be found again.

Journal 29 – Survival (A Long Way Gone)

These boys learn to stick together. They steal food, they learn to persuade people to show their innocence and they had to avoid soldiers as much as they can. They had to learn to survive by not eating food for several days and gain physical skills they never thought they could retain. They had no choices and they even had to avoid the towns so that people don't think that they are child soldiers coming to kill the civilians. I have seen a lot of things people do to survive. People lie, steal or even kill to survive. This could be seen in the assassination of U Ko Ni. This is because the person who killed needed to survive, he took orders from someone, having a gun and all, and killed U Ko Ni. This is expected to human beings, going to several extents to achieve what they want. I am surprised that people could do many things to survive even in the extent of killing themselves. This is very ironic but this can happen many times such as soldiers and so on. For me, I could lie for me to survive. I could or would steal if the situation was sticky. I would not kill easily unless I'm in a situation such as a serial killer coming into my room and I have a gun with me or so on.